Funhouse -- Big Brother Is Out For Blood
Name: Funhouse
Directed By: Jason William Lee
Subgenre: Thriller
Series: Spooktober 2021 entry #21; review #114
Review: If you've been online--and, more specifically, on Netflix--in the last month or so (circa September-October 2021), then you've probably heard of South Korea's sensational Squid Game. To say that it's taken the streaming world by storm is, frankly, underselling just how big of an impact the show has made. While it's not necessarily planted in the horror genre, the series still has some horror-adjacent moments. And it's good! It's really good! But, I'm not here to add yet another voice to the pile about that particular series--though, if you did like Squid Game, then you might also enjoy Japan's Alice in Borderland given their similar stories even if they don't share much of the underlying themes. I bring up the series because it's another entry into the subgenre of "people stuck in [place] having to do [thing] or else they die." There's probably a more succinct way to phrase that, but here we are. Here's the thing: I love that style of mystery. The background is ripe for intriguing storytelling, and the characters being cramped together can create some fantastic moments of personal development which only ramps up the tension given the dire circumstances. In adept hands, these films can do a lot with a little: it's why the Saw franchise is on the map and why Cube is a cult classic in horror circles. Each new entry into this genre is a new mystery to unfold, and the stylistic template has built-in attention hooks...as long as they're not squandered. Unfortunately, given how relatively easy these films are to produce (at least compared to other styles of horror), there are quite a few stinkers littering the toilets of various streaming services: and I've already dipped my toes into those poopy waters once before with Headgame. Let's just start with one of the easiest comparisons I've made thus far: Funhouse is no Squid Game. Let's backtrack a bit. Funhouse is, in essence, Netflix's The Circle meets Saw: a gaggle of D-list celebrities are brought together to an unknown location to participate in a reality show where their popularity determines whether or not they'll live. This particular funhouse (or horrors) is hosted by the least intimidating horror mascot every to get smeared onto film: a virtual panda. Well, technically he's Nero Alexander, the sadistic VTuber host of the games utilizing motion-capture technology to project what he's doing into his chosen avatar: a low-polygon panda named Furcas. This choice is not explained. It's a bold choice, but does it work? No, obviously not: it's neither cute enough to be uncanny (especially with Nero's façade-breaking quips and diatribes) nor is it creepy enough to get under anyone's skin. I mean, this is a horror movie at the end of the day. And efforts to make the panda avatar scary are hilariously ineffective.
Like in The Circle--the first season of which is actually super wholesome--each of the celebrities are forced to interact with each other and record vlogs for the world to see--typical reality TV fare. Furcas periodically butts in to stoke some melodrama. Insert jarring time-skip, and the voting results come in! That's right: the show is being livestreamed across the world on some isolated server with appropriate technical jargon hand-waved away. Unlike in other reality shows, the least popular contestant isn't just terminated from the show--they're terminated...from life! Yup, they get to spin the wheel of horrific torture methods that will ultimately kill them off...sometimes; other times, Furcas just decides for them because it better fits their character. Either way, the kills are boring, with only one being remotely interesting because it comes at the end of a surprisingly entertaining and well-choreographed fight scene; the rest, however, utilize little to no tension and rely on sub-par CGI. I compared this element to Saw earlier. That's not fair, because the main principle of the Saw franchise (at least initially) was that the franchise's "games" were brutal but fair: the subjects could make it out alive, though they'd have to horrifically maim themselves in the process. Not so here in Furcas's House of Fun: the main point is the killing, the vanity and vacuity of it all. See, Nero considers himself something of a Big Brain Boy and thinks all the other boys reality shows are stupid and are representative of the society, nay, our species as a whole. Basically, he's super nihilistic in that obscenely annoying Dunning-Kruger Rick and Morty fanatic sort of way where he thinks he's so much smarter than everyone else so basic morality no longer matters. It's insultingly stupid, which is only exemplified by the story's agonizingly dumb "twist" ending. Sure, Funhouse was never going to be the next Squid Game, nor was it even attempting to get onto the same level as Cube or other, better titles: but the acting was fine enough for the premise, the setting was unique for the subgenre, and the story had baked-in intrigue; more so, the characters actually started to grow on me! Even if done so late in the game, most of the players had some background explored, some development arc, some relationships formed and broken in (mostly) believable ways. And then the director just shit all over it with the Nero character's motives and final revelations. Funhouse went from a decently unique popcorn flick to aggressively dumb in one scene. I mean, it was already a dumb movie, but fittingly-so; the ending just squandered even the modicum of a point the film was trying to make. At the end of the day, Funhouse is dumb and it made me angry, so angry that I'm giving it honorary Trash Panda status (because...because it's got panda in the title, so, like...). Anyway, I'm gonna go finish watching Squid Game now, and I suggest you do the same.
Overall Score: 1.5 out of 5 Chads still not all that intimidated by pandas. Did Funhouse scare you? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!
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